What's your most memorable (good or bad) airplane flight?

Joanne's FAVORITE (non-fiction) answer:
OH MAN, you are going to be sorry you asked this one. Here is the scenario: flying with my brother as teenagers going from the West coast to the Midwest to visit our dad, we get to the part when they serve lunch (remember when they actually served a meal? Tells you how old I am) and he goes to put down his tray table, and there stuck to the middle of the tray table is a maxi pad....A USED MAXI PAD. Huge blood clots and funky drainage and all types of other stuff that a teen just doesn't want to think about. He and I looked at each other, looked at the pad, then he just slowly put the tray table back up. We didn't speak to each other for the rest of the trip....like it never happened. To this day, when I fly with him, I can still get a reaction out of him by asking if he thinks this flight will serve tomato soup and ketchup sandwiches (that's the code we use for it, so no one else gets offended....it really was that gross....HUGE CLOTS...you would have had to see them to believe them). We can only imagine how bad the flight was for that lady, to do that in public, in a closed space, that takes guts. Also, once I really thought about it, the cleaning crew really missed that one or they saw it and did like we did.....like it never happened. I'm hungry now....off to make some tomato soup.

Joanne's FAVORITE (fiction) answer:
When I was a kid I remember flying across the Atlantic a few times with my parents. Usually it was no big deal, but one trip went freakishly wrong. I was flying back to the states for Christmas with my little sister as a couple of unaccompanied minors. Apparently in the cargo hold there was a crate of live reptiles on the way to a zoo or something because a bunch of the snakes escaped. Most of them were poisonous and nobody on the plane even noticed them until they started creeping out from under seats or dropping down from the overhead compartments. It got really crazy, I remember the man next to us got bit first, right in the nads. Then, a stewardess had one dangling from her breasts. I swear, for some reason the snakes seemed to prefer biting genitals and boobs. I held onto my 12-year old weener with both hands, although this only required the movement of one additional hand. my little sister, having neither boobs nor external genitals, hystericaly ran about the cabin as passengers were dropping left and right from poisonous snake bites. It was insane. I think she peed her pants. Anyway, there we were: me clutching my junk for dear life and lil' betsy wetsy spazzing out. I don't remember much of what happenedfor the rest of the flight, but a very nice black man started killing all the snakes on the plane. Eventually he grabbed us and moved us to a safer part of the plane, basically saving our lives. Which at thetime was very bittersweet considering I hated black people. Oh and Christmas sucked that year.

Joanne's answer:
One of my worst flights was going from NYC to SoCal, on my way to interview for the job at UC Irvine (which I now work at!). Because my flight had been booked by a travel agent (who did not ask about my seat preferences), I ended up with a window seat instead of an isle seat. Now, while I certainly recognize that a window seat is better than the middle seat, I still really don't like it because it makes me feel really claustrophic. I like the knowledge that I can get up and stretch my legs whenever I want (without having to inconvenience 2 other people to do it). The flight was completely packed, and we were delayed on the runway for a quite a while, making the total time that we were on the plane a good 8 hours, easily. The batteries on my laptop were about dead, I didn't have a book to read, and for one reason or another, I did not watch the movie on the flight. I had been interviewing non-stop for about a week (an interview in Florida on Friday, an interview in upstate New York on Tuesday, and an interview in Manhattan on Wednesday) - and I had one more interview to go - and I was just SPENT. But of course, I couldn't sleep and I was horribly uncomfortable. The guys sitting to my right were middle-aged business men types - the one right next to me was a VP of some sort - and I tried chatting it up with them, but they weren't too interested. About halfway through the flight, I about couldn't go on, so I basically forced VP to talk to me - and he at least admitted to also being about ready to have a meltdown, he just wanted to be done with this plane ride. We were both unspeakably bored. So basically, the only thing I could think to do was to play my very favorite road-trip game, "The Celebrity Name Game". For those of you who don't know this game -- one person says the name of a celebrity (e.g., Jane Fonda) and then next person has to say the name of a celebrity whose first name begins with the first letter of the other celebrity's last name (e..g, Frank Sinatra). Now, I find this game to be highly entertaining, but it seems that I might be the only person in the world that thinks that way, as I can never get anyone to play with me! At any rate, this poor VP guy was so desperately bored and I was so desperately insistant that he play with me that I roped him right in! You could tell he was hating every second of it but come on, I was desperate here! As soon as he figured out which letter I was having trouble with, he went out of his way to keep throwing me that letter so the game could end...which, of course, it finally did. As did the plane ride. A good 4 hours later.

And the other answers!

Most memorable was when I was returning from Germany and the plane did an in-air refueling. Pilots were getting trained. Bad because of the smell and the back and forth action but good since it was successful. Don't think it would have been fun had they missed the hook-up.

Most memorable airplane trip... well its a toss up between sitting next to a guy with an open wound trying out his best pick up lines or sitting next to a pierced, tatted industrial rock/sex artist with a Ph.D for 11+ hours from LA to Bulgaria.

My first time on an airplane i was in the window seat and told the others they would have to watch out for me since it was my first time...in the middle was a pregnant girl with her cat!!! and the guy on the end was pretty cool..we took our bathroom breaks together (the 3 of us) and me and the guy got nice and drunk...it was a good first time.

Sorry I can't answer that one, I keep my two feet on the ground. Never been on a plane and don't intend to..

Well, I have tons of these as I was a flight attendant way back in the day…

But…I suppose if I had to pick one…. YAH RIGHT….

Holding a line out of NY’s LaGuardia doing West Palm turn arounds. Course at that time full course meals were being served on the plane and those that were of a different faith would order “special” meals to have on the plane with them. I, being the L3 Galley person was responsible for counting the meals in the cart to insure we had enough “meals” to supply the passengers… Catering came, unloaded, shut the doors and left. I counted the meals and realized we were ONE “special” meal short. Unfortunately, the plane had pulled away from the gate and getting one more “special” meal was not going to happen. Wouldn’t look quite right on my record to have a delay for a seafood salad plate. So… off we went. Now 30,000 feet in the air, it is time to pass out the meals. As I am feeding coach I get to the very back of the plane to one last lonely man sitting with his wife. As I go to pull out his meal, the man’s wife says to me, “Daaahling, my husband ordid a special meal, do you have it awn booward” I explain to him that we were short one meal and unfortunately I did not have his seafood salad plate. Well, he didn’t like this AT ALL. He stood up started yelling at me. As I turned to head to the cockpit to get the captain, he got out of his seat and started chasing me down the isle yelling… I ordid a special meal and I want it. Whew… what a flight. Then of course there was the time…
Working the L1011 – these are the planes with the little elevators in them… the galley is below the plane.. yah.. I don’t think they fly these anymore. Well… for those that didn’t know… there is a small opening in the cockpit that you can open and find yourself infront of the galley but under the cockpit.Ever heard of the “mile-high club”. Well it really does exist… My flight attendant friend was caught exiting that small opening under the cockpit and we all know what SHE was doing. HAHAHAHA. And now that I think about it…I was chartering a flight from NY to Miami – deadheading it from Miami to Scranton, PA to pick up a football team. The night we landed in Miami, the Captain told us to meet in the lobby at 5AM for a check in. Me and the flight service manager (Artie) decided to go out… well…. We didn’t quite make that 5am check in. The captain called my room and Artie answered. Hmmmm…. Captain then said to meet him at the hangar for check in and the bus was leaving in 5 min. Oh boy… talk about packing fast. Well since noone was going to be on the plane (passengers) the captain allowed me in the cockpit for take off and landing. WAY cool! Well… not with a hang over. J Artie asked if I wanted any tea for my take off… Sure I said. I sat behind the captain and waited now for the take off roll… Here we go says the captain… bump, bump bump… over the runway… since the tea looked like it was going to spill… I decided to take a sip… bad move… it was WAY too hot… I ended up spitting it out all over the back of the captains neck. Well once the plane was airborne… that captain sent me to the back of the plane to “take a nap”. Trying taking a sponge bath in the airplane bathroom. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Then lets to go when I was a passenger… My boss and I are heading from Boston to Portland, OR to see a customer… I am meeting my boss who is flying on a different flight – flight out goes pretty good… no problems…
BUT… the bad luck boss strikes and it is a catastrophic series of events for the flight back.
First… we are late getting to the plane. The “boss” drops me off because my flight is leaving before his and there is not time to return the rental… I rush in… rush to the counter. I am told that the counter I am at requires me to insert my credit card. Sorry… that is packed. I understood my drivers license was enough. Then, the luggage is scanned and found to have “explosives”. WHAT???? I ask. Explosives. I am sorry Miss… we have to take your luggage and you need to sign a paper. Ummm… hello… I plane is about to leave. Now standing in line waiting for my luggage, my boss walks by on the phone giving me the “strange” look… what are you still doing here?. I say, Hello… help… they say my luggage has explosives in it… he quickens his steps and moves further away from me. A lot of good HE is. Well I finally make it to my gate and the plane is just about finished boarding… Whew I make it. Quick phone call from Brookstone… problem with shipment and away we go. Lucky me, I get to sit between a man who is all up in my face space snoring and a man that cannot speak any English. Drink time… Well, isn’t that nice… my good suit soaking wet with coke. Yippie. We land in Chicago – thank God… but no food since 5am that morning. I am soo hungry. Well, I will step outside for a smoke and then head back in for a bite to eat before my next flight. Oh noooooooooooooooo…. Low blood sugar attack… I get the sweats and my suit is not only wet with coke but sweat now too.Panic… the line to recheck ID’s is not moving… noone is there – I am about to faint… I need fooooooooooooood…..Ok, relax… the line is moving some… 20 min later…my turn. Put my luggage thru… Oh no…. not again…”I am sorry we have to check your luggage” Well about this time I freak on the security people. I tell them I am about to faint and to give me my f’n luggage. Course they don’t and sit me down in a chair and get me some sugar packets. Finally I get to leave. I head over to get something to eat, but I cannot find my cell phone. Shit.. I bet security has it. I head back over to security and tell them they have my cell phone. They look all over but cannot find it. Well the ring on it is a meow only security does not know that. I ask them to call the number but they won’t because it is long distance. All of a sudden I hear a meow, meow. I said to them, do you hear that? That is my phone it is ringing. They politely say to me, “Ahh.. miss, that is a cat getting ready to go thru security”. I look up and sure enough there is the cat. Oh boy well where is my phone. Searching searching more… low and behold I find it… in my pocketbook. Eeeks. Silly me.Now it is time to head to my gate. As I am leisurely walking and eating my pizza and talking to my husband on the phone, I look up at the clock on the way up the escalator… ahhhh…. Honey… what time does my flight leave? 4:00 he says. Ummm… what time is it here? Ummm… 3:55 he says. SHIT! Now back into panic mode… Running and Running to my gate. Not thinking I am going to make it. I get to the gate yelling across the seating area.. “helloooooo” I need to get on this flight.” The gate people are just looking at me. Again I yell…”hellooooooooooooooooooooo, I need some help. I have to get on this flight.” Well… lucky me – they open the doors and walk me down. YAH!!!!!! Back to the back of the plane…and I get to sit next to some chick that is drunk off her ass. She says to me, “What the hell took you so long. We have been waiting for you.” Then proceeded to fall asleep and kick me with her feet the entire flight from Chicago to Providence – even the flight attendant tried to wake the woman then realize she was drunk. Then when we land, now remember we are at the BACK of the plane, the VERY back… she says to me to move she has to get out first. I told her she was not going anywhere and to just sit down. (course in a nice way) When the plane begins to deplane, I make my way to the front and this chick starts in on my tell me to move it – Well after ALL I had been thru, I turned around and said to her , “WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP” The captain looked at me and smiled and off I went. Finally to arrive in Marion, MA at about 2AM.

The one I tell people about most is the flight to London for a semester abroad, on that flight I ate what was to be the last meat I have eaten in 12 years. I should have gone out better than with airplane chicken. Should have been popcorn chicken or something that looks yummy like that...

My worst was when Paul and I were coming back from Europe. After three weeks away, we were feeling homesick and couldn't wait to get back. Of course, that is when everything went wrong. We were flying out of Paris and were ready to board the plane when some guy apparently got through security, or something. So, we all had to wait in the terminal for hours until they figured it out. Unlike our airports here in the US (we are so spoiled!!!) there wasn't anything to do because their terminals are separated from the shops and restaurants. But, we kept out spirits up and had a nice, long, conversation with an older copuple from S.F. When we got on the plan, the flight to Philadelphia (our connecting) was pretty good. Just a bit of turbulence. So, that didn't really qualify as a bad flight...yet! When we landed in Philly, we were three hours late and missed our connecting. They said it would be fine and we would be put on the next plane out. But, when we got to that gate, they said that we couldn't get a seat. After some persistence, we were able to get on the flight. Except, once we were on the plane, we had to sit on the runway for a few hours because of wetaher and runway congestion. I was so antsy at this pont. And, they woudn't even let us get up and move around. We were just trapped on teh flight for three horus with nothing to do. The whole time I kept thinking, "I'm never going to get home!" When we finally arrived home to Ontario and I saw my in-laws, I gave them the biggest hug. And, when we got to our apartment, I actually gave the door a big hug. After all the stuff with people being stuck on airplanes and in terminals recently, I can certainly relate. And, I can also recognize that in comparison, my experience wasn't horrible. But, it was still pretty bad.

I was bumped from a flight from Madrid to NY a few years ago. I got another night in Spain, free hotel and food, AND a first-class ticketfor going home a day later. First class was amazing! Champagne as soon as we sat down, good food, fresh baked cookies, a constant flow of booze, and my own little TV with a lot of movies to choose from. It was heavenly, and ruined coach for me forever.